Please Stop Liking My Face!

Recently, one of my Substack Notes went semi-viral. This was my second experience of the kind, and the second time I realized a viral post isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

The intention was to post a simple headshot and share something vulnerable. Let me tell you, I went back-and-forth on this for longer than I probably should have. Somewhere in my subconscious lives various voices from my upbringing telling me not to draw attention to myself; that it’s unseemly.

Then, I realized that instinct is exactly what had inspired me in the first place. I like to believe I’m well over trying to fit into a prescribed beauty mold. It’s never served me and rigged against us anyway. Yet I’m also highly cognizant of the fact that the longer any beliefs are held or habits reinforced, the harder it is to let them go. Sharing a vulnerable post seemed like a good way to remind both myself and others that showing real selves is more attractive than any manufactured trend.

The plan was simple enough. I took the photo at home with my iPhone 13, poor lighting and no staging. Since I was heading out with friends for the night, I used a touch of makeup. Even though I felt the lighting was rather flattering, my eyes immediately began to focus on the features I’m not so proud of. But I was determined to not let insecurities stop me. The photo was uploaded and I added, “Once in a while, even without using filters or photoshopping my Important Nose or loose skin or crazy fly-away grays and if I’m in the right lighting, I feel kinda cute.” Then I logged out and enjoyed my night out.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I logged back onto the site. While I can’t recall how many notifications there were for this post, I do remember feeling rather overwhelmed. What I had wanted to share was that we can, and should, feel good about ourselves even with perceived physical flaws. What I got was a flood of compliments.

I thought about replying to each of these lovely people who had taken the time to reach out, but the more I thought about it, the more daunting it seemed. And while I was sitting there contemplating how I could possibly respond to everyone sincerely, more notices came in. I felt uncomfortable because the last thing I want is for folx to think I was fishing for attention. By that time, I decided it was best to just ignore the replies and post a separate note of thanks. If you missed that, please know that I am truly grateful for the kind words.

Well, as they say, “The best laid plans…” and all that. I guess it is what it is. I can’t control what others act, but I can control how I react.

I sat with my feelings for a while and remembered that even when best intentions fall short, there are lessons offered. Maybe it’s time I get more comfortable with this type of attention. And maybe you kind people were excited about seeing the human behind my profile’s badge. Maybe it’s high time to promote more vulnerability, accessibility and reality online.

Now, I’m not currently making plans to put more of my mug shots out there. Still, I will keep this experience in mind going forward.

A small confession, however: I am not built to be viral. I’m not a brand. I’m a person with a steady routine and goals that don’t rely on becoming a socials influencer.

Still, I will keep sharing. I will keep being honest. I will continue focusing on connection over metrics. Maybe that will include more images of myself and maybe it won’t. But in the meantime, please—I beg of you—stop liking my face!

It’s your turn. Are you brave enough to show us your unfiltered, beautiful self?

Post a selfie. Or don’t. But try one small act of authenticity this week. Share at least one bald-faced truth in any way that feels safe. Bonus points if you put it in the comments.

If you need a little encouragement, check out Reveal Yourself! to learn about breaking free from toxic beliefs and living authentically. And more inspiration can be had in the suggested playlist below. Let us know what songs you’d add to this list!

• Madonna — “Express Yourself”

• Taylor Swift — “Shake It Off”

• Sia — “Unstoppable”

• Christina Aguilera — “Beautiful”

• Katy Perry — “Roar”

• Selena Gomez — “Who Says”

• Demi Lovato — “Confident”

• La Roux - “Bulletproof”

• Sara Bareilles — “Brave”

• Cyndi Lauper — “True Colors”

• Natasha Bedingfield — “Unwritten”

• Lady Gaga — “Born This Way”

• Colbie Caillat — “Try”

• The Isley Brothers — “It’s Your Thing”

• Jimmy Eats World — “The Middle”

• Bon Jovi — “It’s My Life”

• Elton John — “I’m Still Standing”

• Queen — “Don’t Stop Me Now”

• Lizzo — “Good As Hell”

• George Michael — “Freedom”

• Miley Cyrus — “Flowers”

Thanks for reading!

Loella ☮️💖🤘🏼

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