Crossing the Veil

Personal ghosts.

I need to mourn. I'm not really sure how.

Maybe you can relate.

Thankfully, nobody I know has passed recently ("no jinx", knock on wood, *throws salt over left shoulder*).

But death isn't the only type of loss from which we suffer. My life is full of experiences that I haven't been able to fully accept or let go of. There are times when memories of past trauma or regrets reawaken without warning. And then, the simple nature of change can also bring up these feelings; i.e. the loss of youth.

You know, the types of things for which we don't always take time or space to mourn.

Let me give you a bit of context on why this has come up. If you've read my About page, you might recall I'm a tarot enthusiast. As part of my practice, I start off my week by drawing a card from the Witching Hour Oracle deck by Lorriane Anderson. While preparing to pick a card, I will silently ask what the theme will be for the week ahead.

This past Sunday, I drew "Crossing the Veil".

“Witching Hour Oracle” by Lorriane Anderson; Illustrated by Olivia Burki

My first reaction was, "Damn, I hope this isn't prophetic." Personally, I don't believe in fortune telling. For me, card reading is a tool to help tap into the subconscious. I honestly wasn't too worried that someone I know would suddenly face tragedy.

The next thought came in the form of a question. "Well, what do I have to mourn?" It was immediately followed by an answer: "A lot, actually."

But I didn't give it much further thought. Over the following days, when I drew my daily traditional and archetype cards (more on that in a later post), I briefly tried to tie my interpretations into the theme of mourning without success.

Now at the tail end of the week, I have to admit to a slight heaviness underscoring my daily routines. Again, no misfortune has descended upon me, and I have many things that I'm looking forward to in the near future. Current national and global events haven't helped, but that's nothing new.

So, I'm left to conclude that it's time once more for me to re-evaluate some feelings that were put aside or otherwise not properly addressed. The Punk Granny has a few "inner demons" that occasionally nip at my soul, reminding me they're still here. They don't plan on leaving any time soon. If I'm going to keep them under control, I'll have to do some wrangling.

There are a number of recurring themes over the span of my experiences that come to mind. I'm not quite ready to explore them publicly. Not out of a fear of being vulnerable, but because they are complicated, intertwined and worthy of their own posts if not an entire series.

However, I do want to become better acquainted with mourning practices since I see great value but did not have them properly modeled. Like many others, I was brought up by people who didn't express much emotion at all other than anger and frustration.

Properly addressing and expressing grief is an area in which I still struggle.

I know I'm not alone.

Mourning for Oneself

The process of self-compassionate mourning involves emotional exploration where we reflect on personal losses in life. This can include grieving for lost opportunities, unfulfilled dreams, or aspects of ourselves due to life changes: aging, illness, trauma, etc.

The human need to mourn is a natural aspect of the human experience, allowing us to process loss, heal emotionally, and ultimately find a way to move forward. The journey is deeply personal and the importance of this emotional release in fostering overall well-being cannot be overstated.

Some of those "stuck" feelings we hold inside could very well be unaddressed losses.

Practical Practices

Any type of grieving process can be complex and vary not only from person to person but also according to the situation. It requires time and patience to navigate effectively. Here are some suggested ways to initiate a practical practice:

Acknowledge Your Feelings - This is the first and most critical step. Give yourself permission to recognize and accept your emotions. There are no "wrong" feelings.

Set Aside Time for Reflection - Carve out time in your schedule where you can be alone to freely reflect on your feelings. Mindfulness and meditation can also help you stay present with your emotions without judgment.

Write It Out - Writing about what comes up can be a powerful way to explore your grief and ease the ache. Some people like to keep a journal while others write letters to the version of themselves they are grieving. Physically releasing those feelings by either tearing up or even burning the page may also be helpful.

Create a Ritual - This could involve lighting a candle, creating a memory box, or dedicating a specific time each week to reflect on your feelings.

Engage in Creative Expression - Use art, music, or other creative outlets to express feelings that may be difficult to articulate.

Seek Support - Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about your feelings. Sharing your experiences can provide comfort and validation, and help you feel less isolated.

Read and Learn - Explore books, articles, or resources on grief and self-mourning. Understanding the process can provide insights and help you feel more equipped to navigate difficult feelings.

Consider Professional Help - If you find it challenging to navigate your feelings alone, consider seeking the guidance of a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and loss. They can provide support and strategies tailored to your needs.

When starting the process of self-mourning it is important to approach it at your own pace. Allow yourself the grace to feel and process your emotions, and remember that healing takes time.

Crossing the Veil

You may be asking—I certainly am—where do we go from here? Once we have addressed our feelings, and maybe even have accepted them, then what?

Returning to the guide book for Witching Hour Oracle, Anderson writes:

Crossing the Veil has come to you because you may be questioning a decision out of fear that what you're getting may not be worth what you're giving up... Where you are now has served its purpose and you are destined for more.

This perspective reminds me of my recent grappling with liminal space (see "Is This Wisdom or am I Losing My Mind?"). When we can acknowledge that there is some measure of fear involved in any situation where we feel stuck, that moment then offers the possibility of reaching for something else.

The only way to combat fear is with love.

At its core, mourning is an act of love.

So, for the next few days, I will be showing myself a different kind of love. I will put some of what I have preached into practice and see what manifests.

What might be on the other side of grief, I certainly do not know. But I'm ready to find out. I trust that if I remain open and curious, good things will come. Faith has never failed me. Here, I'm not speaking religion, but faith in powers beyond my understanding and my ability to handle whatever comes. And, if I learn anything that could potentially be useful to my dear readers, I will share.

I encourage you to do the same, whether it’s through reflection, creative expression, or simply acknowledging your feelings. This week, choose one part of your story that might benefit from self-compassionate mourning. Honor it by speaking it out loud or writing it down. Make a start.

Remember, mourning is a testament to our capacity to love deeply. It is a bridge that connects us to our true selves and to one another. As we cross this veil together, may we find healing, growth, and a renewed sense of purpose.

Thank you for being part of this exploration with me. I look forward to sharing further experiences as we navigate complex yet beautiful processes of self-discovery.

---

I'd love to hear from you! What have you lost that you never allowed yourself to mourn? Please share your insights and experiences in the Comments.

---

As always, if you’re looking for support as you navigate your own journey of self-discovery and emotional healing, I invite you to work with me.

The Punk Granny empowers mid-lifers with a bold, holistic approach to growth and reinvention. Think of me as your Personal Empowerment Advocate committed to disrupting outdated narratives about age, identity, and possibility.

Certified Professional Coaching — 1:1 support for growth mindset development, managing transitions, and building confidence.

Guidance — real talk and experience sharing.

Public Speaking — engaging keynotes, panels, and webinars that mix truth, humor, and hard-earned insight.

Content for Businesses — ghostwriting, blog posts and guest features.

Thought Leadership — shaping conversations, challenging norms, and offering insight that inspires action or shifts perspectives.

This isn’t just a job. It's a calling. The goal: to help others lead from the inside out, challenge what’s "normal," and embrace your PRIMETIME with clarity and power.

Mid-life isn’t a crisis. It’s a breakthrough. Let's light it up!