Your Dreams Start Where Comfort Ends
Get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
This was first posted on my original Substack, “What It’s All About”. Just in case it looks familiar, I promise it wasn’t plagiarized.
I want to make you uncomfortable.
I'm imagining readers saying "What?" or "Um...no, thank you." But please indulge me for a few minutes of reading to understand why, as a coach, I regularly encourage my clients to explore the emotions they habitually avoid.
You see, growth of any kind simply cannot occur during stasis. This includes personal growth. When we settle into the comfortable, shelter ourselves within the predictable, there is no opportunity to learn, to expand.
Even if you've heard this before, perhaps you haven't yet really sat down and examined what this would look like for you. Whether or not it's been fear (most probably, let's be honest) holding you back, I would like you to understand and embrace the value of discomfort.
Demystifying the Emotionally Unpleasant
In the context of personal growth, I am talking about discomfort on an emotional level. This can manifest as the jitters before trying something new, the vulnerability of a tough conversation, or the unease of venturing into unknown experiences.
We all know the human brain is hard wired for fight-of-flight, which often translates into a preference for comfort zones where risk feels minimized. But this protective instinct can also hold us back from reaching our full potential in the modern world.
While crucial for survival, this instinct often operates on autopilot. The subconscious doesn't distinguish a perceived threat from a "real" one. Becoming aware of our emotional responses gives us the opportunity better manage discomforts which are not life-threatening, We can begin to reframe and use them as a stepping stones toward transformation.
Illusory Comfort
Comfort generally feels good. Why wouldn't we want to be as comfortable as possible? Because, while it promises security and predictability, it can also be a trap. How many of us have stayed in a job, relationship, or other situation because it was “fine,” even though it was unfulfilling? Oops. You've fallen into an illusion! It whispers, “You're safe,” while quietly keeping you stuck in stagnation.
Many of us were not taught how to manage our feelings for our benefit. Instead, we were left to figure it out on our own, taught to hide them away, and/or avoid them at all costs. Those of us who didn't learn how to use the cues of discomfort to our advantage, typically end up in a constant battle to maintain whatever comforts we have.
And the longer you stay in the Comfort Zone, the more excuses you'll make to confirm your choices. The biggest pitfall I see to this type of confirmation bias is the slow, desensitization to crucial emotional signals. Time and again, I have seen this result in people staying in toxic situations far longer than they should.
And I'll be honest. This was my own personal Modis Operandi for decades. I know from experience how utterly terrifying the unknown can be. Unfortunately, I needed the Universe to hit me over the head with a Breast Cancer brick. Now, fully recovered, I also know that creating the life you've always wanted is absolutely possible with the proper mindset.
The Push for Change
The proverb “Necessity is the Mother of Invention” rings true for a reason. Throughout history, need, a.k.a. discontent with a situation, has inspired change. When we reframe discomfort as a signal alerting us to look for alternatives rather than as something to dread, we unlock its potential as a catalyst for transformation.
Practicing Controlled Exposure
As a former dog trainer, I'm a big fan of "shaping": breaking down a desired behavior into smaller, manageable steps and offering rewards for each step successfully completed to make the process more effective and enjoyable. This is especially helpful if, like me, you were taught to avoid uncomfortable emotions.
Leaning into discomfort doesn't have to be grand or dramatic. Here are some small, intentional steps to help you get started:
Learn how to better manage difficult conversations. I highly recommend the book "Difficult Conversations" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen. Start practicing what you've learned in small doses.
Challenge your routine. Try a more scenic route on your daily commute (you can treat yourself by stopping by that new cafe you've been meaning to try), look people in the eye and smile or wave as you pass them by, go to a movie by yourself.
The key is to view feeling uncomfortable as a challenge you are fully capable of overcoming. When you feel that twinge of nerves, recognize it as a sign that you are planting the seed for growth.
Important Note: if at any time you begin to feel anxious or overwhelmed, stop and take a step back. You may need to try an even smaller step first. And, of course, seek the assistance of a licensed mental health practitioner for additional support as appropriate.
Facing Fear and Building Resilience
The root of any discomfort is fear and resistance. These feelings are normal and human. I find that one of the most helpful ways to put these emotions in perspective is to focus on the “why”—the overall goal.
Remember, resilience is like a muscle—the more you practice leaning into discomfort, the stronger it becomes.
The Reward
On the other side of discomfort lies growth—personal development, emotional intelligence, better communication and sometimes even joy. These tools shape us into a more adaptive, fulfilled individual.
In my opinion, that's how we start changing the world for the better.
Beyond the tangible benefits, conquering fears and building resilience develops confidence. The once-dreaded unknown becomes familiar, and the cycle of growth continues.
Closing Challenge: Get Comfortable with the Uncomfortable
I'd like to leave you with this: What would happen if you embraced discomfort instead of avoiding it? What opportunities might you uncover? What aspects of yourself might you discover?
Take the first step—no matter how small—and see where it leads. Growth begins where comfort ends.
Finally, I'd love to hear from you! Leave a reply below. What dream have you been holding back on and what is one small, uncomfortable step you are willing to try for it?
If you’re looking for guidance through discomfort and developing a growth mindset to unlock your full potential, please check out my coaching practice. I offer experienced, professional support to you step into your power and start living the life you've always dreamed of—just like I have.